what do you want
Once upon a time there was a little boy who always wanted to love another little
boy. One day he finally found that love and it was wonderful.
I'm supposed to use gloves. I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to do that. I'm
supposed to not kiss him. I'm not supposed to be only 45 years old and taking care
of a 35-year-old young man who's 100 years old and dying. Emma calls it a seesaw.
He's fine, he gets sick, he gets better... he gets sicker.
He's afraid I'll leave him. I told him I wouldn't leave him. That I never for one second
would think of leaving him. But he doesn't believe me. It's hard to believe in much these
days. But we must never stop believing in each other.
I'm a mess. That's what I am. You cry and you cry until you think can't cry anymore
and then you cry some more. Not only for yourself or Felix, but for all the little boys who
finally found their other little boys they've wanted all their lives now that we're men.